“Happiness is not something readymade, it comes from your own actions” Dalai Lama
Recently one of my friends was very disturbed by someone talking seriously hurting things about her. She was restless and spend days pondering over this. I noticed her restlessness and kept asking her to share what was bothering her but she seemed reluctant. Finally after a few days she told me the reason why she was hurt and restless. Another friend had commented on her kid being extremely lean and was of course offering unsolicited advise about better ways of raising kids.
Why do we focus our energies on what others say? We always base our happiness or sadness on external factors- other’s opinion, husband buying something for us and so on. As long as our locus of control is internal we wont be hurt or affected by other people’s opinion or reactions.
But that doesn’t mean that we don’t heed to valid feedback and work on it constructively. But spending time mulling over things which we can’t control is a waste of our time and energy. Apart from feeding healthy food to her kid my friend can’t really help if the kid was on the leaner side. Issue would be if the kid was unhealthy or sick but being fat or thin isn’t something which she can really control then why spend time mulling over it.
A lot of our time and energy is focused on things which we can neither control nor change. Instead if we focus on self and bettering our self we would not only be happy but far more effective and efficient too.
When I was a kid I spend many miserable hours crying when my friends teased or when they excluded me. But as I grew up I realized that my miseries were of my own making. The more I focused on myself the more positive and forceful I became and more people were attracted to my persona.
Happiness is a truly a state of mind .As long as we can keep our locus of control internal and get our attitude right nothing can stop us from being happy.