Pleasure and pain

” I am the happiest person today. This job offer has made me very happy” A friend was super excited about an offer he got. Moat of us feel this way right,  when something really good happens to us? Could be finding love, or buying new house or car or anything,  we get super happy, isn’t it?

Few years ago I was on top of the world,  I had everything one could ask for and then it went away. I felt pain so excruciating that it was unbearable for me.

It was in that one moment that I realised that what can give you extreme happiness can also give you extreme pain. I am happy because I love someone- they can be take away. I am happy with my success- I can fail. I am happy with my wealth – can disappear.

We don’t seek happiness,  we seek pleasure and we are addicted to this even without knowing. So we keep oscillating between highs that these pleasures offer us and lows that happen.

Moreover since we are addicted to this, we also become fearful and insecure about losing them. We start operating purely out of our need to keep them with us. And fear can eventually breed only pain.

Pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin. If you seek pleasure, you are inviting pain too. You simply cannot escape it.

The only way to change this is stop your addiction and detach from the outcome. Moment you are not addicted to them, pleasures lose their power over your life.

True happiness or bliss can happen only when you truly detach and that doesn’t mean you become a monk. It simply means you stop bothering about the outcome and accept every outcome as a gift.

It’s not an easy transition but then nothing good in life comes easily.

By Preeta Sanjith

Giving is Happiness

Yesterday my daughter had her annual day. They had done production of Lion King with a twist to it. My daughter was a hyena in the play and though she didn’t have many dialogues, she was a part of a dance at the end.

She’s a reasonably good dancer and teacher had placed her in the front row. However one of her friends was very sad and wanted to be in the front row.

She told this to Myra and she switched places with her. She didnt even tell us about this. When I saw the dance today, I asked her about it. She said my friend wanted to be in the front row.

So I asked her,  didn’t you feel like being in front row. And her answer blew me away. She is like, I would get many chances to be in the front row but this was one chance of doing something for my friend which she wanted badly. I was happy because she was really happy about it.

Makes me proud to know that my kids are learning being human over everything else in life.

By Preeta Sanjith

Pleasure or Happiness

“I am really unhappy today. I really wanted that job and I still can’t believe they rejected me after such a good interview”. My friend was really sad about losing out on the opportunity. We were talking about life and happiness and he said no one can really be truly happy.His statement was quite phenomenal and he truly believed it too.

I think many believe exactly this and the reason for that is because most cannot discern between pleasure and happiness. I wanted to get a new car, I got it – what I feel is pleasure. I liked someone, she said yes – what I feel again is pleasure.

We confuse this with happiness and hence we keep trying to either achieve things or keep doing something to feel happy. But it’s relative and always dependent on external factors.

Happiness on the contrary is internal. It is simply acceptance of life as is in the present moment. The greater the degree of this acceptance,  lesser is the sufferance you feel.

If we truly believe that everything is a divine creation, then every experience and every moment is needed and beautiful. Moment you realise this, mind stops suffering.

Pleasure is temporary and happiness is permanent. What should you be seeking?

By Preeta Sanjith

Culture Machine

Few days ago I was reading “Delivering Happiness” by Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh. It is an interesting book about his journey as an entrepreneur but most importantly driving customer centricity by simply concentrating on happiness of those around you. Just by doing this you can infinitely increase your own happiness and your satisfaction levels. One big take away that I had from this book was that for any value or culture change to be a part of the organization its important that each and every employee integrates it as a part of his or her daily behaviour. In Zappos every person in the company do small things which make others happy- its become a part of their DNA. Another major take away for me was that for this to happen the top management need to start doing this first. Culture flows from top to bottom in an organization.

Recently I met one of my friends. He worked for those new breed of companies which follow “open” culture. In literal terms it means doing away with cabins and having an open sitting area for everyone. My friend had recently quit the company and was talking about his experience.The company was facing some serious concerns and had been planning to cut down on staff. But this was kept under the cloak. My friend’s boss and his super boss knew about this but there was no communication about this possibility till they were handed letters to leave the company. It came as a shock to many, some having heard about this through grapevine were more prepared. Is this really what open cutlure is about? Does it end at having open sitting arrangement?

To drive a culture which is based on openness – communication would be a key. Transperancy in actions and clear communication across all levels in organization would be key for an organization which “claims” to have an “open culture”. When employees see their top bosses being transperant and honest in their communication- be it with colleagues or be it with their subordinates, they would automatically adopt to this. Maybe over a period of time there would be no need for “grapevine” in the company. You simply ask the other person to verify facts and to me that would be truly “open” organization.

To make some value a part of someone’s DNA its very important that authority figures adopt it first. And its logical isn’t it? Our first authority figures as human beings are parents. We learn and adopt most of our values and culture from them initially.And this is not by hearing or enforcing them on you but by observing and adopting their behaviour. “Walking the talk” is the most critical element to imbibe values in someone else. Else you would end up having fancy office, loads of jargons but no actionability.

 

Arranged marriage

 

We might not know each other just yet
But here we are bound together by fate
When I saw you first time it might not have been love at first sight
But my heart said that you were just right
I want to know everything about you
Where do we start off I have no clue
We might not know each other just yet
But here we are bound together by fate
Wonder what are your dreams and passions
Everytime we meet do you have the same sensations
Your likes and dislikes I want to discover
Did you have any image of your lover
We might not know each other just yet
But we could be each other’s soulmates
Your eyes seem to say a thousand things
Your presence makes my heart sing
I might not know everything about you
But slow and steady we will make it through
Bound together by luck and fate
We were always destined to be soulmates

Love just caught me unawares

Without you life has no meaning
Words can’t describe the intensity of my feelings
I keep seeing you in every nook and corner
Every minute without you is a torture
My life has turned upside down 
Without you my smiles turn into frowns
Without you life has no meaning
Words can’t describe the intensity of my feelings
Sun doesn’t shine when you are not around
My heart is calling you can you hear the sound
I always was the practical one
“Love” was something of which I made fun
Wonder how did I end up like this
In your absence there is no bliss
Without you life has no meaning
Words can’t describe the intensity of my feelings
Loving you came so naturally
Everything just transformed magically

Time & Tide wait for no one…….

Today I was cleaning the closet with my mommy and I came across tons of sarees she had purchased but never wore…she had set is aside for some special occasion. And now she’s old and not quite well and she probably never will get a chance to wear those beautiful sarees again. As I looked at those sarees I wondered – how many things in our life we put aside for a better time and some we end up doing and some maybe we never do.

Is there a good or right time to do anything? When I was dating my boyfriend ( now husband) I realized that our friendship had graduated to another level but I was waiting for either him to confess or a better time to tell him what I felt. Finally one day after many sleepless nights and miserable moments I decided to call him at 5 am in the morning and tell him what I felt. Maybe it wasn’t the best of times but I felt good after I confessed my feelings and of course rest is history- today are happily married for 7 years.

Few years ago I needed a small break due to personal issues but I was too scared to talk to my boss about it. I kept waiting for the “right time” when we had lesser work pressures or when he was in better mood. Finally one day I decided that worst would be that I will lose my job and I went ahead and explained my issues to him. And guess what it wasn’t that bad. He understood and supported me in taking the break and of course my career wasn’t impacted and I survived.

Is waiting for right time an excuse for us for facing our fears head on? Maybe a way to avoid facing things which we really don’t want to. Time is simply time, going on its own pace. We make it good or bad by our actions and reactions. We keep pushing aside big and small things waiting for right time but fact is that no time is as right as now and no moment is as good as now. As they rightly say, “Past is a history, future is a mystery and present is what we have”

In my life the most important lesson I have learned is that don’t wait for any special occasions or right time to do anything special. Make the now special by doing special things now. Time and tide do not wait for anyone so its important to make most of the time you have. Don’t make time as an excuse to mask your fears.

” Time is always right to do what is right”

 

 

Pursuit Of Happiness

Happiness isn’t something you can buy

But being happy gives you wings to fly

Some try to find it in their success

Some in their pursuit of money relentless

Some think power is the only way

To make happiness with them stay

But like a butterfly it eludes everyone

The more you chase it the more it runs

Happiness isn’t something you can buy

But being happy gives you wings to fly

Happiness is coming home to loves ones

Happiness is flowers blooming in morning sun

Happiness is walking in the first rains

Happiness is never being alone again

It manifests itself in small things of life

Still we ignore these small joys

Happiness isn’t something you can buy

But being happy gives you wings to fly

Contrasting realities

Life is a strange combination of joy and sorrow

No one knows what might happen tomorrow

Life is a mixture of good and bad

Sometimes happy and sometimes sad

Devastation of slum with small & crammed houses

The glory and pride of a rising skyscraper

Glamour of lavish parties & festivities unending

Shabbiness & despair of a street beggar

Happiness of a new born child

Death of a child driving the mother wild

The gleeful laughter of a newly wed bride

White saree of a widow her misery flowing through her sad eyes

Life is full of such stark contrasts

Teaching us to savour happy moments while they last

Nothing in life will last forever

We can’t take anything for granted ever

Good times don’t wait bad times we can’t prevent

Life is a series of such hot & sweet moments

In Pursuit of Happiness

“Happiness is not something readymade, it comes from your own actions” Dalai Lama

Recently one of my friends was very disturbed by someone talking seriously hurting things about her. She was restless and spend days pondering over this. I noticed her restlessness and kept asking her to share what was bothering her but she seemed reluctant. Finally after a few days she told me the reason why she was hurt and restless. Another friend had commented on her kid being extremely lean and was of course offering unsolicited advise about better ways of raising kids.

Why do we focus our energies on what others say? We always base our happiness or sadness on external factors- other’s opinion, husband buying something for us and so on. As long as our locus of control is internal we wont be hurt or affected by other people’s opinion or reactions.

But that doesn’t mean that we don’t heed to valid feedback and work on it constructively. But spending time mulling over things which we can’t control is a waste of our time and energy. Apart from feeding healthy food to her kid my friend can’t really help if the kid was on the leaner side. Issue would be if the kid was unhealthy or sick but being fat or thin isn’t something which she can really control then why spend time mulling over it.

A lot of our time and energy is focused on things which we can neither control nor change. Instead if we focus on self and bettering our self we would not only be happy but far more effective and efficient too.

When I was a kid I spend many miserable hours crying when my friends teased or when they excluded me. But as I grew up I realized that my miseries were of my own making. The more I focused on myself the more positive and forceful I became and more people were attracted to my persona.

Happiness is a truly a state of  mind .As long as we can keep our locus of control internal and get our attitude right nothing can stop us from being happy.